Necrotongue

"I've got one funny question. Will you suck cock for ten thousand?" "Excuse me?!" "Euros." "......" This short conversation basically summed up the theme of the film.  It was not a unique cultural experience, but it relatively comprehensively highlighted most aspects typical for this field of human activity. I also learned something new again, and I'm glad to have found out which international day is celebrated on June 2nd.

It's not exactly a film noir because it lacks the main character's accompanying monologue. Instead, it reminded me of L.A. Confidential (yes, I know it's considerably younger, but I saw it first). It also felt as if this movie inspired the creators of Rango. The story was very well constructed, the cast was fantastic, and Roman Polański's direction style usually suits me. Everything came together in perfect harmony; there was a great atmosphere and tension, and I was immensely pleased with how the conclusion was handled. It's evident that film themes come and go, but corruption is a solid rock that doesn't succumb to erosion in that vast ocean of change. / Lesson learned: If your daughter is also your sister, something is not quite right.

I was unpleasantly surprised by how wooden the acting was in some scenes. At times, it seemed as if actors were called out to recite their lines in front of the camera. It felt quite awkward. When I add that I don't like American football, you can tell it's not a movie for me. I'm not exactly a fan of prison movies either; the pattern is clear - prisons must be run by a cunning and sadistic warden, the main character must either be falsely accused or convicted of a crime that doesn't bother the viewer too much and then it goes as follows: bullying - the death of a close friend/fellow inmate - resistance against a corrupt system - moral victory. Well, within these confines, I can root for the main character, but it clashes with real life. Bastards who commit the atrocities that happen on a daily basis should experience being in a facility where life is more about survival than a hotel stay. In my opinion, prison should be a punishment that would make ex-convicts afraid to go back. / Lesson learned: Don't turn the other cheek; use brass knuckles instead.

The Russian filmmakers didn't push heroism and patriotism as much as they usually do and instead focused on telling the story. It's a good thing because extensive speeches on heroism were unnecessary; it was enough just to watch and see. The technology and war realism were at a high level, as usual. The historical events are widely known, but I felt the tension despite knowing how it would all end, which is always a sign that the filmmakers did a good job. I was a bit disappointed by the overly successful gunners and the fact that the creators did not know that Luftwaffe fighters never flew in three-member formations. But again, I am nitpicking. The film was great, and I think it bears comparison with American blockbusters about World War II. It could even surpass some of them. / Lesson learned: When you're cold, snuggle up to someone.

I was pleasantly surprised. You can tell that the budget was tight, but it paradoxically benefited the film. There was CGI, but my screen wasn't constantly filled with all kinds of digital mess, and there was room for a story, which was not bad at all. If you expect battles with blue and green phasers, lasers, and such, you will be disappointed. The movie relies on a good story (albeit clichéd) and a perfect gloomy atmosphere (courtesy of Lithuania). What disappointed me was the premise about the self-sacrificing cripple, especially since he received food in the same way as I do (although I envied him the worms, my diet is more monotonous). Nevertheless, this peculiar, calmer approach suited me, and I liked the idea of flying Wilson. Definitely worth four stars. / Lesson learned: Are they making fun of you for being a hoarder? One day, you will laugh at them from the top of your tower.

The movie had a very noticeably slow start, followed by a very slow middle part and an ending that surprisingly dragged on as well. Given that I didn't laugh out loud even once, I wouldn't call it a comedy unless it was a very bitter comedy, more of a funny drama. It was a look into the "action-packed" life of an unsuccessful tailor (if we measure success by money, which we do, right?) who is forced to reassess and change his professional life in order to survive. Even if you tortured me, I wouldn't be able to tell you why I liked it. It was so slow that I welcomed every faster movement of the scissors, and the main character's life was almost completely stereotypical. Maybe I liked it because it felt really genuine and human. However, to warn those who enjoy calm movies with a slowly unfolding plot, this might be too much even for you. / Lesson learned: It's never too late to learn something new. 4*-

I had a dilemma about whether to give this three or four stars because, just like The Bishop's Wife (1947), the film contained humor typical of its time of creation, which I'm not crazy about. Most importantly, I found the story impossible to believe. It was too far-fetched for my liking. Apart from these negatives, the movie also had its positives. Although it suffered from a naive plot, it didn't affect the excellent acting performances, which, along with the great dialogue, were a source of good entertainment. I enjoyed the movie; there's no doubt about that, but the weird story spoiled it for me. But, as they say, you should respect old age, so I'll give it a weak four stars. / Lesson learned: If a woman approaches you and you are not accompanied by your lawyer, quickly increase the distance to avoid becoming the target of a lawsuit any time between a week and twenty years. 4*-

That it would be a psychological horror was clear to me the moment it turned out that more than one psychologist appeared in it. That it would be an interesting horror became clear during the course of the plot. There was a great atmosphere and tension. The jump scares didn't look as dumb as they usually do. Even though it was sometimes quite gory, gore didn't function as the main instrument of fear. However, the movie also has its drawbacks. The first one is more of a pet peeve of mine because I don't like the actress in the leading role. What was worse was that, although the story tried to look original, I have seen something similar a couple of times. It was like Fallen (1998); only whistling was replaced with smiling. I also don't get why filmmakers don't consult advisors for scenes involving knives. All that stabbing in the sternum and ribs as if it were soft butter is pathetic. Despite all my reservations, I enjoyed myself throughout the movie, which unfortunately doesn't happen to me often with horror movies. P.S. A very nice attempt at a Schrödinger's cat:-) / Lesson learned: If you tend to be jumpy, just use plastic dishes. If you also care about the environment, go for wood.

I want to emphasize that I have nothing against art. Then again, I am not an art lover, so I only like paintings that I don't need an expert to interpret for me or a three-hundred-page book to understand what I'm supposed to see. I'm not a fan of painters like Pollock or Picasso. I also don't understand spending enormous amounts of money on paintings that end up in security vaults because only a lunatic would hang them on the wall of their luxurious villa. This is why I didn't think the movie would appeal to me (although Repin painted with a technique I can understand). However, this slow Finnish movie kept reminding me of something, and I couldn't figure out what it was. And then it hit me. It was a variation of Moby Dick. Olavi spent his whole life trying to catch his Moby Dick, which turned out to be an unsigned painting of Christ. The movie had a perfectly gloomy atmosphere and a decent story. I made it to the end despite the extremely slow pace and simple plot. Or maybe because of it. / Lesson learned: A nightmare often begins by fulfilling your lifelong dream.

As an atheist (or a pagan, if you will), I refuse to acknowledge the Almighty; the members of his flock give me the creeps, and I can't stand the shepherds. Nevertheless, I found myself enjoying this movie because the angel in it put me in a good mood. It was a pleasant watch, and even though the plot focused on the only true values, which I usually don't appreciate, I made an exception because that's what I do with Christmas movies. I enjoyed myself, smiling almost the whole time. The only thing that didn't age very well was the humor in the scene with Sylvester skating. / Lesson learned: Neglecting your family? Watch out for the angel.