J*A*S*M

Stoned cannibals, that Eli Roth is an asshole… :-D There hasn’t been a proper jungle cannibal horror flick for about thirty years, so I was rooting for this project, but I’m not fully satisfied with the result. Here’s not about the story, only an idiot could expect that from the sub-genre, it’s about the gore and the intensity, and that’s where the problem is. Historically, cannibal horror is the most extreme sub-genre and as such it should push the boundaries of “good” taste and cause controversy. The Green Inferno, with all due respect to the few good gore scenes, does not get there. The first forty minutes are awfully boring; we have to put up with insufferable characters reciting incredibly hollow dialogues, and they are impossible to relate to. Then, when what was supposed to happen finally happens and the film starts being fun with all the blood, violence, chopping up and chaos, it all ends after a few minutes because the director starts taking the piss. In its own way, it’s a refreshing film, the beautiful locations in the Amazon make it a nice thing to look at, but I don’t think anyone will be very excited about it.

I was wary because to me Del Toro is a pretty overrated director, but en the end I loved Crimson Peak for its artistic style – its not very original story notwithstanding – and I’m giving it almost the highest rating. The money put on it can really be seen. Given that right now there aren’t that many big narrative horror films, I don’t think it’d be fair to throw Crimson Peak among the average. The cast is wonderful, finally someone who really knows how to act in a genre film. A proper gothic-horror in the best sense of the word, and I’m sure it will make it to my TOP 10 this year.

(BE2CAN, Lucerna) I’m doubting between four, in recognition for its merits, and three for the experience. After all the hype from Cannes I was expecting more. It’s a different take on the monstrous machinery of the Holocaust from the point of view of a poor bastard who gets mixed up in it. The intention is clear, the execution is undoubtedly appropriate, but I’m not sure it’s enough for me in 107 minutes…

Awful disappointment, and I’m not the type of horror fan who gets very excited about a metal horror-splatter. Based on the responses from festivals, it seems that everybody liked Deathgasm, and with New Zealand setting the bar pretty high for horror comedies last year (Housebound, What We Do In the Shadows), I was expecting at least some user friendly, fun silliness. If only! It was SO sad! And predictable! Really, I didn’t laugh even once throughout the whole film, and when I tried to fight my boredom guessing what would be the next embarrassing attempt at humour the creators would come up with, I was right several times. The gore and the make-up are fairly good (one star for that, at least), but it all feels boring and repetitive. All the possessed look the same, and then they are stabbed, chopped or cut with a chainsaw followed by bucketfuls of blood, rinse and repeat. Boring, sad, bad, avoid.

Evil Dead raped by a potentially good sci-fi idea that unfortunately doesn’t go beyond the potential. The only interesting thing in The Hive is the pretty good make-up, otherwise the film is a sadly missed opportunity that tries to look sexy, but in the end it’s actually ridiculous, especially in those moments when the main character (played by an almost surprisingly bad actor) speaks in front of a scribbled wall and wonders what the fuck is going on.

A precise survival drama with a fantastic cast that in some cases is too good given the few lines they have. The experiential capacity of the film is substantial. In some scenes it manages to grip and amaze, not only through the mountain setting, but also with the convincingly performed suffering of the leading characters. Things get unfortunately a little chaotic after some time with them covered in jackets and hoods and with the snow falling, they all look very similar and there were moments that I wasn’t really sure who was who. But overall, a recommending thumbs up.

A Christmas horror anthology with four tales that are untraditionally told all at once, and that’s the core of the problem. Harvey, Sullivan and Hoban aren’t the Wachowskis with Tykwer and therefore are not able to meaningfully weave the narratives of several very different stories in a way that would add some value to them. The stories here are chopped to pieces and their parts are thrown willy-nilly next to each other without any purpose, on the contrary, they end up hammering each other and, when an unsettling scene with a possessed child is followed by a funny one where Santa Klaus massacres zombie elves, the effect of both is devalued. I’m actually convinced that if the stories were told separately (which wouldn’t change anything), I would have liked the film better and would have given it one more star. The one thing that this narrative structure is good for is to prepare the stage for a surprising twist in one of the stories (the one with Santa, in fact), but could have been easily done differently. As a B-movie, A Christmas Horror Story is still likeable, fun, pleasantly scary at times, and the stories are fairly capably wrapped-up. That’s why it’s quite a shame that most of the time is dedicated to the one story that has the least to do with the Christmas atmosphere.

After a long time a film that took me out of my “safe space” and caused some unpleasant feelings, which in my book is the most important indicator of really well made horror, and it needed less than thirty minutes for it – that hide and seek game already made feel a little unsettled. The film tells the story of two siblings who go on holidays to visit their grandparents, whom they’ve never met. The relationships in the family are not in the best shape, something happened to the mother of the kids and she ran away from home, but now it seems that the grandparents want to see their grandchildren at least once. The kids are fine with it and want to make a documentary about the visit. Gradually, though, it begins to be clear that something is not right with granny and grandpa. Can that be only because of senility or is there something else at play? And what about the almost unnatural night movements and the stubbornness of the grandmother, who wants her granddaughter to get into the oven? :) The Visit is above all perfect casting, both the old couple and the kids are very convincing. During the scary scenes, the grandparents look really creepy, while the kids are very likeable and funny guides in the story. And that’s where the fun is, even thought it’s not a comedy (not even with a “horror” prefix), there are plenty of parts that make you laugh. Basically, horror with a sense for black humour. Not even the found-footage or mockumentary format is a problem here, the camera is not too shaky, on the contrary, the creators have tried to put together very nice shots. Succinctly and simply put, thank you very much Blumhouse for resurrecting Shyalaman, who, by the way, is having a very good year (I like Wayward Pines). Hopefully, this collaboration will continue and the Indian director will stay on similar grounds. 9/10

Where has this come from? A pretty good post-apocalyptic survival movie. I have a couple of quibbles, but to explain them I would have to really spoil it, so I will have to make do with the not very specific lamentation that I don’t think the film communicates very fairly with the viewer. Nevertheless, the result is a refreshing and surprising take on the classic contagion/zombie theme, with good performances and direction, that it’s worth the almost 80 minutes of your time. After the intimately dramatic first half, things get really going, to the point that they almost surprised me. The little girl in the leading role is a little annoying, but nothing too bad.

When out of nowhere and without much advertising we get a supernatural thriller (though in this case it’s rather a mystery horror movie, regardless of what the current tag says) with Nicolas Cage, you can expect a disaster and will not pay much attention to it. But then you notice the name of Uli Edel, who, among others, has directed an episode of Twin Peaks and the Oscar nominated The Baader Meinhof Complex. Well… Pay the Ghost is a competently shot trip back to the 1990s. Really, it reminded me of those supernatural and unambitious thrillers of that era, where a well-known actor chases ancient demons and curses in the streets of an American big city. It even has a mysterious digital condor and an unconvincing digital ending. To be honest, for most of the film I was of the idea of giving it four stars, some of the scenes are truly scary and chilling, to the point that I got goosebumps several times. Unfortunately, they are followed by rather blander ones that are good mostly as a guilty pleasure. So I’ll leave it at three stars, especially because of the ending, but I must admit that the film is far from boring. Actually, I’m surprised that someone is still making something so nineties, and quite solidly at that.