J*A*S*M

The plot is certainly nothing ground-breaking, it follows a template, unsurprisingly, as far as the identity and motivation of the villain and the development of the relationships between the characters are concerned. But it fills the “comedy slasher” box pretty much perfectly for me. It invites comparison to Totally Killer, released a week ago, and from that, Seminar comes out as “Totally Winner”. It has sufficiently fleshed out characters and fine chemistry between them, a high body-count and gritty and varied kills. I also enjoyed the directorial creativity, with the wit often coming not just from the dialogue, but also from the framing or editing. It's well done. Probably the most enjoyable genre surprise of the year (admittedly, there weren't many).

That's how I imagine “something terribly harsh and uncompromising” can be conceived by someone who has otherwise spent a lifetime making weepy and weepy dramas. Yeah, , really, if it hadn't run a monstrous 155 minutes, I'd recommend it as an unintentional comedy. Poor Maika Monroe, how did she get that way?

Admittedly made for less money, but by a huge margin the best Poirot by Kenneth Branagh. Intimate, elegant, understated, atmospheric. Where the Orient Express and  the Nile are overwrought and digital of, the beautiful mysterious residence in Venice makes do with playful camera angles, and without any CGI gimmicks. The horror overlay a nice bonus, oddly enough it holds up throughout the film, it wasn't just a trailer attraction.

Pretty meh in the end. A rather skillful genre exercise with the most bland looking alien you can imagine. The interchangeable trauma subplot shouldn't have been there at all, or should have been in a more ambitious film. It just stalls the flow and then downright kills the finale. I also rated last year's Nope by Jordan Peele with only three stars, but the creativity of the execution of those traditional UFO/ALIEN themes was completely different there. 5/10 (almost at **)

This franchise is pretty stale already. The decent craftsmanship keeps it watchable, but otherwise it's a show of creative confusion and futility - we've seen it all, we know it all.

For four fifths of the running time, this was the best horror flick of the year. Beautifully atmospheric, like a walk through a visual horror gallery where pretty much every shot has something going on for it. A weird mum, a weird dad, a weird house; poor boy. It feels like a bizarre, psychotic nightmare about monsters in the family that you can't wake up from. The whole thing is so out of step with the logic of everyday life and behaviour that I felt it had the makings of a future cult-classic with a legion of fans who will return to it fondly. Unfortunately, the ending kind of throws a wrench in the works, and many moments suddenly don't work as they should. Maybe it needed more money for visual effects, or a more experienced editor, I don’t know, but by the end I lost that feeling of full immersion, and in the moments where there was supposed to be a terrifying climax, it was hard for me not to grin in amusement. Not to mention that the hitherto appreciated “dream illogic” becomes, well, just stupid illogic as the story progresses. And please, for the next time, the monster shouldn’t have a long expository monologue.

Teenage horror for adults, painful both physically and psychically. The characters act like morons at times, but thanks their good portrayal, you understand why they act like morons. Excellent stuff, no wonder A24 picked it up at Sundance. Only the ending could have had a better build-up.

Conceptually, it’s not a completely futile sequel, but what's the point of a concept if it ends up like almost everything on Netflix, The execution lacks energy, the characters should pull it off, but none of them are engaging. I was looking forward to at least some nice shots of Barcelona, but they couldn't even make the city they crammed into the title work. One Ms Bier is worth more than two pastors.

On a positive note, it's not as generic other current Netflix productions. It's a quirky mix of sci-fi themes from Get Out and The Cabin in the Woods drowned in what is supposed to be humour, probably so there's an excuse that the plot doesn't quite hold together logically – nonsense can be justified better in a comedy than in a serious science fiction movie. The problem is, however, that I didn't find it funny at all, the trio of heroes (a drug dealer, a pimp, and a whore) can’t be likeable to a normal Central European, and instead of genuine entertainment, what follows is at best embarrassment and at worst awkwardness. For three stars, I don't buy it, but after the trailer everyone probably expected more. Rotten is again a level or two off, for obvious reasons.

In terms of experience, it’s five stars. It's a riveting, visually stunning, imaginative, fun ride with a fabulous Margot Robbie and an even more fabulous Ryan Gosling. It's a pleasure to see a big-budget film that totally breaks away from the uniform grey that blockbuster Hollywood usually offers today. But the voice of reason complains timidly about the script's underdeveloped supporting (human) characters and the sometimes annoyingly literal feminist cannonade in the final act, when it seems as if they wanted every argument they could think of to be heard. So, four stars.